Kamarooka

Kamarooka is an indigenous word meaning, "rest awhile". It's also the name of my friend's property nestled at the base of the Toowoomba range. It is a little piece of heaven on earth. Not only for my friend and her family, but for anyone who visits. Imagine wide horizon plains, undulating green hills, mist rolling in, cows lulling, kangaroos a jumping, hares a hopping, chickens a scratching, veggie patches, frolicking lavender and hydrangeas, citrus trees, wild passionfruit vines and tomato bushes, a gorgeous little farmer's cottage with outback grain hut converted into guest lodgings, a cubby house as big as the guest lodgings, typical Aussie tin sheds for farm equipment, water tanks, dams, nearest neighbours a mile away, the sound of silence except for the eveningsong of crickets & frogs and gentle rain on a iron roof and you have the lovely quintessential picture and feel of Kamarooka.


Never underestimate childhood dreams. Kamarooka is the fulfilment of a childhood dream for my dear friend. All she ever wanted was to marry a farmer and own her own piece of land. A dream kindled during childhood holidays at her grandparents property in Kingaroy. It took 38years, but her dream is now a beautiful, living reality. She even got married on her land. A wedding to remember, marquee in country setting, ceremony under massive gum tree. Every time I come here there is a sense of coming home and sharing in my friend's dream and land. We grew up together. I too spent many childhood holidays at her grandparents farm so delight to share her realised dream now. We had wild imaginations as young girls, my friend is one of a twin, and together the three of us were the Charlie's Angels! We really were!


My four and I have enjoyed Kamarooka's beauty and hospitality at least annually for many years now when we come to Toowoomba for Easterfest. Our first Easterfest we camped at Kamarooka rather than Queen's Park and enjoyed frosty autumn morns here woken by the cattle moo-ing near our tents! We farm sat last year for a week while our friend's holidayed at the coast. My four LOVED being here despite at first wondering how they would ever cope for a whole week without the X-box, playstation 3, DVDs, pre iPods and iPhones. They ran wild on the hills, chased cows, fed the chickens, collected eggs, played with the dog, swam in the dams, picked dandelions and made daisy chains, played in the rain, the mud, skateboarded down the country lanes, EQ learnt to drive on the country roads and did fabulous free range kids stuff, it was divine!


We left Kamarooka last year ONE day before the 2011 January floods that hit the Toowoomba/Grantham area. Thankfully Kamarooka is on high ground and my friend's property didn't go under. They were trapped in their home for a week, but no damage. We had even gone to visit the rising river, totally oblivious to how dangerous it could have been. Link to farm sit and rising water photos below.


This weekend I come alone, to embrace a silent retreat. My four are still in Victoria with their Dad. The call of Kamarooka's serenity woos me. Once again I farm sit, as my friends enjoy the coast. Once again I soak in the beauty, deliberately get off the busy merry-go-round, be still and know God.


Shalom


http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.489387717434.269168.561592434&type=3

Crazy busy

I have borrowed this title for a post out of an article from the New York Times, entitled the Busy Trap (see below link). I read it and thought the author must have been spying on my life to write it. I do have some ownership over the title in that it is commonly my response to the question, "so how are you?" Crazy busy is/was a fairly standard reply. Busy by my own drivenness, although as a parent of four, there is also a degree of natural busyness by a simple uneven ratio 1:4. I often think the perfect balanced family is 2:2, two parents, two kids, even stevens, everything seems equally shared between parents. But anything beyond 2 and add solo parenting to the equation and life without even trying gets busy.


So in my feeble attempt to justify the busyness of our lives as simply mathematical we add to that each of my four have individual interests that require dropping off and picking up. They say our generation of parenting promotes extra curricular activities, yet I have never ever pushed my children to do so. Sunshine actually begged me for 2 years to do dancing before I enrolled her. Ok, I do confess to strongly encouraging her to stick to playing the flute, but in the end let her drop it and focus on her dancing as expressly requested by her. Thoughtful Princess tried Irish dancing in grade 1, hated it, so we quit pronto. Both girls now dance purely and only because they love it.


The boys have always been involved in club sport, soccer mainly and EQ one season of rugby until he realised footy was not sport of choice for him due to his compact size. A concussion, near broken nose for DW, and ratios again, also made him realise footy was not for him either, his light 40 kg compared to other 14year olds who were 80+kg (I wanted to check their birth certificates!), it just wasn't safe! 


So the extra after school/weekend activities have all been self directed by my children's interests never imposed by me. Throw a working son into the mix and the drop and pick ups can number up to 10+ on any given Saturday. I promise that I don't deliberately try to be busy! But do find most week nights and Saturdays are spent in the car or waiting in car parks of dance studios, MacDonalds, shopping centres or friend's houses, squeezing housework and study somewhere in between. 


Many mothers work full or part time now, and the super woman juggling act of parenting, working and extra stuff does present real challenges, certainly my grandmothers generation didn't have to deal with. They battled day to day with just making ends meet, being able to simply get chores done, feed and clothe the family on a farmer's seasonal directed wages. Bad weather meant poor crops, meant bad wages, but they didn't complain about being too busy!  


We are definitely a more affluent age. My grandmother's family never ever would have dreamt of an overseas holiday. Going to the Sunshine Coast for the day was a luxury, forget a week on the coast! Nowadays overseas holidays seem par de cour for many families (not ours). And yet we still complain we are financially & time poor AND too busy! Hasn't technology helped save us time? Microwaves, dryers, computers, email, iPhones? My grandmother had none of these, yet she never complained about being too busy and definitely wasn't as stressed as our generation! 


So how do we get off the busy treadmill and find a pace to life that is healthy and good rather than ulcer making? I guess cutting out unnecessary stuff is a good start. Does that mean I can't go to Zumba? I do think parents need their own interests too beyond family, work and study. Is that being greedy or selfish? No it's being kind to oneself and finding spaces and places that restore our souls that will us keep going in the draining demands of day to day flurry. Maybe just maybe I need to rethink involvement with one too many committees! 


I observe those around me who lead busy lives and particularly notice those who are equally or if not busier and amazingly carry it off without appearing to be hurried, stressed or overly anxious.  For this I am thinking of families I know with multiple children (sorry to those reading this who don't have children or have <4) - to get some inspiration I need a comparative analysis! In our church we have an amazing family of 10 - 7 natural children and 3 foster children. Now they are busy!! They do appear busy and frazzled at times but also incredibly happy, great role models for what family life is all about. 


A few other friends have 5 children, work and are all involved in medicine, missions, chaplaincy, music, sporting pursuits or combinations of all and seem to do this entirely with poise, precision and an air of unhurriedness, a real art. Then I walked yesterday with another friend who has 6 children, 1 disabled daughter, a brand new granddaughter, does veterinary research and finds time in her busy life to connect with people struggling with their sexuality. Made me rethink my definition of busy. My life is calm in comparison!


So with a mouth full of ulcers, (a sign of being run down & too busy), my beautiful four safe site seeing in Canberra today and a Sunday to just read, relax & write, I think I have succeeded in getting out/off of the busy trap even if it's for just one day!


I don't agree with everything Tim says but in general it's a good reminder to find meaning in life while avoiding being too crazy busy.......


Shalom,


http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/?src=me&ref=general

Saying goodbye

I had to say goodbye to my beautiful four this morning. Ugggghhh, found it hard. Missing them already. The house is too quiet. Most of us as parents in the hustle & bustle of family life probably wish for a reprieve or days of respite and quiet, but when it's granted, we paradoxically long for the noise & buzz that family life generates.


They are driving to Victoria with their Dad. EQ is doing most of the driving to clock up towards the all consuming 100 hours on his L's. Nothing like a long road trip to learn to drive. Making me very nervous though, what if a kangaroo jumps out, what if trucks sit on their rear end, what if's ........ will he know what to do? I trust their Dad to be ever watchful eyes and play safety conscious driving instructor, but it's all the other variables that cannot be controlled that do a mother's heart a worry.


The act of saying goodbye is like breathing, something we do without thinking, apart of our everyday experience. We say goodbye to our children dropping them to school, to work colleagues at the end of the day, to finish phone conversations. There are happy goodbyes, sad ones, painful ones, tearing ones, awkward ones, wanted and unwanted ones, formal and casual ones, rushed and drawn out ones (check out the departure lounge at any airport!). Goodbyes filled with emotion and with nothingness, with longing for the next time or dreaded ones. Welcomed goodbyes like to the telemarketer ringing at dinner time or the foxtel salesman on our doorstep for the 5th time this year. Also goodbyes filled with anger or tears as in death, final goodbyes or closure to  childhood, a friendship, a beloved pet, a job, a career, a marriage, a season in life, even a country.


YWAM days were always filled with goodbyes. I didn't like the 'being left behind' feeling that always accompanied farewelling people and teams. Just get to know people really well and have to say goodbye, knowing full well you would probably never ever see them again. Teams coming and going all the time and quickly learning that being the one left behind saying goodbye was the short end of the stick. Goodbye is worse for the one/s left behind, especially in death and to a lesser degree in travel. Like my children as the excitement overrides the sadness of the moment and there are adventures ahead for them and the mundane for the left behinders. 


So today it was a happy/sad goodbye and have to make our last hugs and kisses linger for the next 12 days. I wanted to embrace the goodbye moment and make it a memorable one. Let's not regret 'bad' goodbyes. Interesting that it is goodbye and not badbye, as if the good prefix imparts a sense of blessing to the farewell.


Maybe the 'see ya later' type of goodbye is best, like the French with au revoir or à bientôt or the Chinese, 再见 zài jiàn literally translated as, again see! What I do hope is to make our goodbyes count. Rather than be incidental, be deliberate and intentional, like my Thoughtful Princess who never fails to say,  "love you Mummy, drive safely" when she says goodbye. Her goodbye mantra! 


Or perhaps we could learn from Jewish culture, where they use the word, shalom to greet and farewell each other. Maybe not so much in today's 21st century but the word means 'peace to you'. Actually it means much more than just simply peace; it is complete peace. A feeling of contentment, completeness, wholeness, well being and harmony (Strongs concordance).  Now that's a beautiful way to say goodbye wishing/hoping/praying that kind of peace to everyone. 


Love you EQ, DW, Thoughtful Princess and Sunshine, drive safely, have a wonderful trip and see you again soon. Thank goodness for mobiles, Skype and facetime! 


Shalom.


As Ben Jonson said, "In the hope to meet shortly again, and make our absence sweet." 


Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetime, is certain for those who are friends." -Richard Bach


A goodbye means the next hello is closer......anon

No goes both ways

One of my favourite stories and lessons learnt about prayer is from the life of Amy Carmichael. What an amazing, courageous woman. As a teenager I devoured all her books, of which there is a library, she loved to write poetry and stories of the children she rescued from temple prostitution in India. A woman who has inspired me greatly, Sunshine is named after her. Amy was Irish. 




As a young child of about 7years of age she desperately wanted blue eyes over her brown ones. Being a child of a religious family she had been taught to pray, "ask and it shall be given unto you". So with great faith she prayed one night going to bed that somehow God would change her eyes from brown to blue.


She arose early in the morning, jumped up and raced to the mirror, full of hope to see blue eyes staring back at her. To her disappointment, they were still brown. Amy said she learnt a very important lesson that morning about God and prayer. Sometimes God says, No!


I had to say, the "N" word to my son tonight. Usually I am fairly flexible with activities and requests but sometimes it is appropriate to say no. He was cool with it, and I actually thought in some ways, relieved. I had planned as a family to go somewhere and though his invitation to go out with friends was a valid invite, wanted him to spend time with us.


I was reminded again of how saying no is healthy. Creates boundaries. 


Also in discussing the activity to be done as a family, my other, older son said he didn't want to go. I was disappointed and tried not to show it. Tried some reverse psychology, the path of lest resistance sometimes works best. This made me realise that no goes both ways. As parents we are compelled to say no to obvious actions that will cause harm, or activities that are not in their best interest, and other times things are negotiable and we need to teach our children these skills. But can we accept when they say, no, when they decline to participate, especially as teenagers fast approaching adulthood?


If it is just because they don't feel like it then it's a different story, but I do believe as parents we need to gauge when some liberties can be given and a no from our child/teen needs to be considered as them learning to make independent choices. It may not be the decision we want, but does need to be respected without demonstrating obvious disappointment. An art I am still learning.


So back to Amy's brown eyes. After years in India where she started a home/orphanage/a village for children who were rescued from temple prostitution and destitution she often had to go 'under cover' at night on rescue trips, dressed as an Indian woman. She writes how grateful she was then that God didn't answer her prayer, because her brown eyes made her blend in as an Indian. Blue eyes would have given her away.


No is good and healthy in parenting, life, relationships, prayer and goes both ways. No is mostly in our best interests, like Amy's, and sometimes we only find out the reason why years later, hope we and our children can learn to respect it.

Fear of failure

It was a toss up to call this post, fear of failure, humble pie or wrongology (term coined by Kathryn Schulz). Found out yesterday that I haven't passed one of my subjects towards my masters. Bless, my lovely lecturer said she even marked one of my papers twice to try and find extra marks, but reality is, that it just didn't flow, it wasn't good enough, it didn't meet the criteria. My argument was flawed, referencing poor and I really didn't engage with the topic. I knew it was a very average effort when I sent it in, being pressed for time, crossed my fingers, whispered a prayer and hoped it would be enough to get me over the line.


On reflection, I didn't deserve to pass. I didn't engage with the subject properly at all since being involved with a state election political campaign, have struggled with the juggle of family, work & study and addiction to fb! Not using this as an excuse, rather evaluating my slack attitude which was one of aiming simply to pass rather than to learn. Taking on too much, expectant of favours rather than being realistic. I now think trying to be superwoman is not something to aspire too, but rather a recipe for failure! 


I read this very thought provoking speech recently which has been a good shock absorber to receiving the disappointing news, it helped me gain perspective.


You can read the full speech here -  You are not special


What I got out of this article was the stark reminder to embrace the journey of the challenge and not dread or wish it over before the process has wrought its work in me/us. Also to seek not the accolade of completion but rather relish the process of getting there as just as important, if not more. I am guilty of the former. 


The old saying, "you get what you put in, is true,". Although DW doesn't think so regarding his HPE grade.  He worked really hard, but was disappointed with his final semester grade. He believes he definitely deserved better and feels hardly done by. Somehow too, I had selfishly hoped for a miracle, but thankfully God is not fooled by our minimal efforts just as university lecturers are not! 


I do attempt, as no doubt we all, to teach my children this, but feel like I have failed them with my own example. Interesting how school report cards can make us feel like good or bad parents, when really efforts are owned by our children. Also interesting is how we gauge value based on effort or productivity, an almost communist view. 


Are we worth less if we don't achieve an 'A' or high distinction? Definitely not, but maybe we all secretly wish our children could be straight A students and claim their brilliance! Even though all we ask is that they try their hardest, do their best. Well on this occasion, I didn't do mine & the results showed that! 


To do our best and aim for excellence is to be admired, but what happens when we don't? Do we feel less as a person? Courage is to do our best despite our circumstances, physically, psychologically or emotionally and hopefully learn from our mistakes, rather than despise or disown them. 


Perhaps an even greater reminder is that our worth as human beings is not in our accomplishments or lack thereof but in the intrinsic, ineffable value and dignity of simply being who we are. Otherwise how do the severely disabled, paraplegic, or one with dementia rate their lives. Their life is worth the same as someone who wins the nobel peace prize or can split atoms. Unfortunately we esteem success over failure, being right over wrong. I finish with two quotes, the first from Benjamin Franklin (1784), as quoted in 'Being Wrong' by Kathyrn Shcultz;


"Perhaps the history of the errors of mankind, all things considered, is more valuable and interesting than that of their discoveries. Truth is uniform and narrow; it constantly exists and does not seem to require so much an active energy, as a passive aptitude of soul in order to encounter it. But error is endlessly diversified; it has no reality, but is the pure and simple creation of the mind that invents it. In this field, the soul has room enough to expand herself, to display all her boundless faculties, and all her beautiful and interesting extravagancies and absurdities." 


David McCullough finishes his speech with:


" Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view. Climb it so you can see the world, not so the world can see you. Go to Paris to be in Paris, not to cross it off your list and congratulate yourself for being worldly. Exercise free will and creative, independent thought not for the satisfactions they will bring you, but for the good they will do others, these rest of the 6.8 billion - and those who will follow them. And then you too will discover the great and curious truth of the human experience is that selflessness is the best thing you can do for yourself. The sweetest joys of life, then, come only with recognition that you're not special. Everyone is."

You've got this!

EQness strikes again. How I love this boy! Sometimes his take on the world and perspective truly astounds me. Truly, truly. Last night in the pressure of finalising an academic essay, his quirky 16year old comments kept me going. His goodnight words to me being, "Mum you've got this!" - inferring don't give up, keep going. 

Earlier in the evening he had likened the pain of writing to the lactic acid burn in sport. Fresh in his mind from survival camp and PE physiology lessons. I loved his analogy and how he could apply it to another situation. "Push through the pain", he encouraged! 

He had what he called, a 'Kerri Dooley' moment of serendipity yesterday too when thinking about his mate, the same one I blogged about! This mate called him to invite him over to check out his newly built skateboard ramp! He even arranged for his own way home after being at his house so as not to disturb me. Ohhhh when they demonstrate selflessness my heart doth melt! Maybe we are in sync!

My children are amazing. I know that I sing their praises in every post and on face value they are ordinary kids who live an ordinary life, they still rage, get moody, complain and say things I would prefer they didn't, they are far from perfect, but in my mind they are absolutely amazing. They have spent these rainy day holidays for the most part amusing themselves with, Thoughtful Princess a leader on camp, EQ at work, Deep Waters & Sunshine reading, iPoding and watching movies. Thankfully it hasn't been wonderful weather or else it would make it even more difficult to focus on study and not want to go out and do normal holiday stuff together.

"Moral of the story, Mum, - don't leave your assignments to the last minute"! How many times have I said this to my own children, so now to have my own flesh and blood say this to me was almost an insult. But he is right!

Reverse, reverse psychology

Inspired by Deep Waters (DW) playing a family game of, Fact or Crap - we found this game, brand new at a Lifeline store for $3, so though the name is a little edgy thought it would be a fun way of learning bits of trivia that would make us all laugh and think together as a family. 




The rules are simple, one person reads out a statement from the printed cards and everyone has to guess if it's fact or crap. Something like, "When soldiers join the French Foreign Legion their passports are taken away", fact or crap? Everyone is given 2 tokens and if you guess right you get another 2 tokens, if you guess wrong, you lose 2 tokens. The winner has the most tokens at the end of the game.

OBJECT OF THE GAME

Fact is often stranger than fiction.  In this fast-paced trivia game, your aim is to dazzle the opposition with how much you know about the world we live in.  From the day to day to the truly bizarre, you will be asked the one question that really counts— is it Fact or Crap?

It's a really fun game and we have had some hilarious laughs and also some great debates playing it. A lot of family bonding time and fun for only $3! So here we are first night of winter school holidays playing and DW the academic of the family trying to psych us all out by the way he reads the question using inflection in his voice or choice of question or something, so he coined it, 'reverse, reverse psychology'! Quite clever and innovative I thought. He managed to succeed for a few rounds, until EQ read his cues and outwitted the reverse, reverse psychology and won.


Got me thinking about parenting styles and how we often use reverse psychology with our children to gently persuade them to stick with something or give up something. The old adage of planting seeds in their minds so they think they have come to the idea themselves. Or acting all non fussed about something when inside you are really churning and wanting them to change their attitude or behaviour but cannot 'force' them too.


Parenting is so complicated sometimes isn't it! Sometimes the burden of responsibility weighs heavy on me as a solo Mum. My children do spend 50% of their time with their Dad so it's not a total solo effort, but when they are with me it's often in the on-the-spot decisions that need to be made that create the most angst. With big decisions, I do consult their Dad, he is a wonderful father to our children. Am so grateful for his input into their lives and feel for those who are flying totally solo as parents as surely it is a huge job at hand. Hopefully if you are in this situation you have extended family or friends that can be a support network to help carry & debrief when the burden gets too heavy.


I have read parenting books that describe parenting styles such as passive agressive, diplomatic, autocratic etc and wondered which category I fit into - I hope I am diplomatic, though my children would definitely feel like it's a dictatorship at times! EQ will often defuse me by asking, "stressful day at work, Mum?" when I err on too intense or strict about something. His approach to life is so chilled and relaxed that it often abates my sometimes serious approach. I love him for it as he makes me laugh at situations, myself and see the lighter or even the pragmatic side of life.


Isn't it wonderful and challenging that our children are mirrors to our souls, our own attitudes and behaviours? If only they could take the strengths from each parent and not the weaknesses they would be perfect, right! Not! Perhaps we could use some reverse, reverse psychology to enhance our parenting although it's not about winning or outwitting, it's about moulding, shaping, nurturing, caring and cherishing. I cherish holiday moments, and creating happy memories, hope you do too.  


By the way, it's a fact that the French Foreign Legion soldiers have their passports taken away!