Do you ever look at your children & feel like you are looking at yourself? Not just certain physical features, but in mannerisms, traits, tone of voice, inflections, curvatures of a smile, the way they fold washing, talk to people on the phone, some choices they make? We want to claim what is good & ignore what is not? Claim traits we like & excuse away the others?
There are definitely inherited traits we attribute to either Mum or Dad or even other relatives in the family & some that are most definitely uniquely theirs. Thoughtful Princess has the most amazing smile that is exactly the same as her paternal Grandfather. She has had it since birth & proves to me beyond reasonable doubt that genetic programming goes way beyond environmental exposure. Without discounting the individuality of our children am always fascinated by what is genetic predisposition, nature vs nurture, biological vs environmental.
A frivolous, candid check-out moment has inspired this post. Sunshine has been featuring in most recent posts & she does again today. Never ceases to amaze me the intuition of my children. Maybe they make up for my lack. Reminded me how our children can be mirrors to our soul.
Sunshine & I were paying for groceries at our local fruit shop, the lovely young lady serving us was Indian & looked like our close neighbour's daughter. I asked her if she was. Innocent question. When she replied no, I should have stopped there. Instead I went on & commented how similar they looked. The lovely check out lady was very polite & said she knew the girl who I was referring too.
In the car driving home, Sunshine pipes up, reflecting back to me what just happened, the conversation word by word. All of 11 years herself she quickly told me how inappropriate & unnecessary my comment was that the girls looked similar. Sunshine said, "Mum you made out as though every Indian girl looks the same, just because they have dark skin & dark hair. It was so embarrassing!"
This was most certainly not my intent to convey this but unfortunately had inadvertently done so by an off handed, thoughtless comment. My thoughts were actually how strikingly beautiful both girls were but that was obviously not appropriate to say, instead out came the other! I was grateful Sunshine could perceive this. A lesson for both of us. Sunshine & I awkwardly laughed it off, but it hung with me all day.
Made me grateful & mindful that our children are mirrors & witnesses to our lives. Also renewed the sense of responsibility to model well to them, so they become positive reflections. And even when it is negative that they can see that it is. They also learn from our mistakes! They keep us as parents on our toes & mine constantly stir the desire to be a better person & parent.
Cherishing children's intuition
Cherishing children as both reflectors & reflections of our souls
Cherishing candid moments that teach us to be careful with our words
No comments:
Post a Comment