willingness

photo by carolyncjjones.com
Willingness is the key to open many a door

I think it would be fair to say everyone loves a willing participant, a willing volunteer, a willing employee, a willing lover, a willing friend, a willing teen, a willing son, a willing daughter, a willing heart?

What a difference it makes when one doesn't have to gently persuade or strongly encourage.

Or conversely feel nagged, manipulated, pushed, contrived or forced.

"Does anyone want to take the rubbish out?"

No response.

"EQ please take the rubbish out!"

From an options based question to a command like request when there is a void of willing participation.

As my children have grown over the years, my parenting style has changed with their age and their capacity to make choices more responsibly. However two principles have held fast & are now being tested in teen years.

I was very influenced as a young mum by the work and writing of Dr James Dobson. Two parenting tips {from many of his} that shaped my whole approach were and are;

1. Only discipline for direct disobedience, never for childishness (i.e. never discipline for a child spilling milk but if they directly say no to a reasonable request that relates to safety or intentionally disregard what you have said, there should be a consequence, a loss of a privilege etc).

2. When your children are under the age of 10yrs you don't need to be their friend. They need you to be their parent, to teach what is right & wrong & need to learn to respect you. When they become teens, win their hearts, be their friend, be their confidante, be present in their world.

These seem like two very simple tips. Simple in words. Hard in practise. I have tried to live and apply them. I fail mostly but keep on trying.

One of the many beauties of being human is freedom of choice.

I am learning as a parent of teens to win their hearts and to give them freedom in their choices. Love, limits & liberties.

Big and little choices.

Choosing their own school subjects is a big deal. Choosing to go up the coast with their mates for the weekend is a big deal as a novice parent of a new P plater! Especially driving in the pouring rain at night with a car load of 16yr olds!

Choosing to be helpful or not may seem like a little deal, but to me it is also a big deal & I think can reflect a willingness in other spaces too.

Last night, after a late dinner, a sink full of dishes and a week of rostering duties run out. I asked in almost a joking way, "Who wants to do the dishes?", truly expecting no reply & prepared to do them myself.

Instantly there was an, "I will," response. I was stunned, surprised & delighted. Melted by DW's willingness yet again.

It was precious. Blogworthy! Got me mulling on the beauty of a willing spirit. We all appreciate it, so let's cherish it when we see it and aim to be willing parents who model this to our toddlers & teens.

Cherishing a willing spirit

Cherishing the joys & challenges of parenting

Cherishing what my children teach me!