Disappointment

What kind of a photo represents a parent's heartbreak and disappointment when you find out one of your children has lied to you about an event that was questionable in the first instance? So sorry no photo this post, am still trying to come to terms with my son's poor choices and my own response to it in the midst of a Family First campaign!


This past week through a series of phone calls have discovered that my beloved 16yr old son has lied to us as parents about where he was and what he did on a night that we were told he was sleeping over at a mate's house. We were told they actually didn't sleep, and that they long boarded all night! A plausible story if you knew my son & his 5 mates, they eat, sleep & breathe longboarding! I was actually not too bothered by this, as at the same age had slept at Sutton's Beach with a whole bunch of friends & thought if longboarding all night is the 'worst' mischief they get up to at 16yrs we are doing ok!


However this week we have discovered that he & his mates were NOT longboarding all night!! I don't need to share the details of what they did get up too, as most of his mates' parents read this blog & it's not my place to reveal to the world what our 5 boys got up too - but let me just say, it is typical 16yr old boy stuff, understandable, but still incredibly Disappointing, with a capital D! As parents we have often commented on how much we trust our lads, a great bunch of mates that love hanging out together & have been up until now incredibly trustworthy. Mr EQ  even thanked me about a month for not being an 'over protective parent'! That is all about to change!


After given several opportunities to 'come clean' with the truth about this night, my son still chose to not reveal some details that were the most incriminating of the night. He later told me he was protecting his mates & didn't want to ' pimp on everyone'. This I understood, but it has now come with an even more severe consequence. My son was remorseful, but not overly....... he appeared more upset we had found out, than that he had broken my/our trust.


Until I told him that I had spoken to his Dad about the matter and that WE had decided TOGETHER the course of discipline/consequence for his behaviour, his poor choices, his dishonesty. Given that we are divorced, this carried a lot of weight. If his Dad had his way he wanted to ground him until he was 18!!!


Mr 16yrs has a healthy respect of his father, and said he was very, very nervous to see Dad, fearful of his reaction and thinking he would just 'rage' at him. When I told him that rather Dad's response was one of tears  - he was totally shocked! It was this that broke him. It was then Mr EQ cried himself, cried with the true tears of regret & remorse for what he had done knowing.


He knew then that his actions, his lying had so disappointed his father that much. " Dad never cries, I have only seen him cry once in my life and that was when Grandma died".


We explained that it wasn't his actions so much that had disappointed us, it was the lies, the dishonesty, the cover ups, the planning of this event with no consultation with us as parents. That this has now broken the trust & will take a long time to regain. We pray that this painful lesson is learnt now to hold him in good stead for days to come.......


In the joys and disappointments of parenting, we still choose to cherish & love deeply, we all make mistakes. Loving discipline is one of the greatest & hardest gifts we can give our children.