Love & limits

Cloud & Townsend have written an excellent book called, Boundaries - it is a book that has helped shape my parenting style and also challenged me personally to walk within healthy boundaries in life, particularly, relationships. A friend highlighted this book to me again recently and it reminded me of a story about my son - just after I had finished reading the book, was keen to put into practise new found knowledge!

Children (teens & adults) need boundaries to feel safe, they need to know our yes is yes and our no is no. Setting limits is usually ok, that's the easy part, it's the follow through that is the most difficult. No matter our age. 

Last year, one night on school holidays, Mr EQ decided he would sleep out in the lounge on our fold out couch - not unusual for him on holidays, nor unreasonable. However what was unreasonable was he kept jumping up and down on the couch, like a child. After asking him to stop, he continued. I gave him a choice/ limit;  stop or he wouldn't be allowed to sleep out in the lounge. He continued. When it came time to say good night. I calmly folded up the lounge and said he would now need to sleep in his own bed. 

He took great offence to this and said he would sleep outside on the trampoline! Ok, that was fine, I decided that I would not play to his game, keep to love & limits, kissed him sweetly good night, told him I loved him and went to bed. He took his doona & pillow and went outside. About 10 minutes later, the heavens opened. Down came the rain, I thought of EQ out on the trampoline, getting absolutely drenched. I didn't hear the back door open. After another 10 minutes, I got up, went outside with an umbrella to find him on the trampoline with pillow & doona, completely wet and still insisting on sleeping in the rain. I strongly suggested he come inside and he strongly resisted...... so again I simply & calmly stated the consequence and left him to his wet pillow & doona! I went back to bed. 

Another 10 minutes,  the back door opened. He showered & finally went off to sleep in his own bed. It had taken a long time for his stubbornness to melt. Thankfully the rain helped. But this story always stays in my memory because the next morning, EQ was a different kid. He had been growing a teenage attitude, thinking he was above parenting and stretching the boundaries daily, testing me. I had sensed it was time to pull him in again. And it worked. He seemed to regain respect, his attitude was somehow tempered.  It seemed almost an insignificant thing to make a big deal out of, but as a parent we know there are some 'battles' we know we must win. This was one of them.

As parents we need to remind ourselves of the beauty and benefits of love and limits, choices and consequences, in big and little things. To take heart that setting healthy boundaries creates children that have a safe sense of their world, develops self control and responsibility in their own decision making. Happy parenting!