Being Wrong

Do you ever feel as a parent you get it wrong? I sometimes wonder if I get anything right in parenting. I have read so many books on parenting, tried so many different techniques in discipline, analysed my 4 for love languages and daily try to engage with them in loving and positive ways, yet still get it wrong. There is no magic formula or one size fits all approach. Thankfully. 

This week had that overwhelming feeling of getting it wrong alot. My beautiful Sunshine, all of 10yrs, is so dedicated to her dancing that sometimes I wonder if it's obsessive. Dancing does suit her perfectionist personality, however it's a delicate balance between aiming for excellence and not being devastated if it's not perfect. I think Sunshine finds that balance hard to find. What can I expect of her, she is only 10!

How do we as parents encourage them to do their very best, to strive for their potential, yet not project unrealistic expectations on them?

We had one of our bed time chats this week about an upcoming Eisteddfod.... I gave her the printed run sheet emailed from her dance studio that day for the Eisteddfod. She had been abit sleepy until I gave it to her, she then sat bolt upright in bed, obviously distressed by what she was reading. " What's up?", I asked. " They've got it all wrong, this isn't good enough, they should have done the run sheet like last year's, all detailed out, times and dances!" 

I was stunned at her strong response. So passionate. So disappointed. So perfectionistic (is that a word?)! She was so upset about something so small I thought. We kept talking and I tried to placate her saying they would probably send another updated, more detailed run sheet closer to the Eisteddfod. She kept on about it...... she was tired, so should have taken that into consideration, however I responded, over responded with comments to the tune of, "where has my sweet Sunshine gone?" And  if  her attitude wasn't going to be more considerate then we may have to consider withdrawing from dancing altogether. We said strained prayers, said goodnight and I left her still huffing and puffing in bed.

I walked out of her room and felt so bad. I got it so wrong. Handled the situation so poorly. I had responded to her attitude with the same over reactionary response as she had! Why did that happen?

Bless, just a few days prior, Sunshine had expressed how one day she wanted to do something with her dancing to 'pay me back' for all the costs it incurs. I had told her that there was no need for that, as parents we love to see our children do what they love, that even if she danced for the the pure love of it and never danced formally that it didn't matter. She had seemed disappointed that I didn't share her dream of wanting to one day dance for a ballet company. Again I felt I had got it wrong. That fine line between encouraging them to dream big, aim for the stars, yet not overburden them with expectation.

Your thoughts? How do we as parents encourage our children to pursue their dreams without setting them up for failure, believe in them without puffing them up or deflating them?