Family Equilibrium

4 + 1 = 5 = Together = Harmony = Equilibrium

When my beautiful four are altogether and we are a family of five, there is a lovely sense of homeostasis or equilibrium, balance and harmony. Take one away and the dynamics shift. I am sure that others who have larger families can totally relate to this conundrum also.

Having four toddlers is totally different to having four teenagers (though technically we have 3 teenagers + a primary). As toddlers, they are with you 24/7 as a parent. Even going to the toilet on your own proves difficult. Once they start hitting the two digit numbers, they start going to birthday parties on their own, having sleep overs and the like, actually having a social life outside of the family.

It's this stage of life that we have hit now, on any given weekend my four can be in four different locations at once. With EQ at work, DW with his mates, Thoughtful Princess at arco, Sunshine at dance, throw in youth group, a J@M performance, a birthday party or 2 or 3, church and the weekends end up full and disperse without even blinking. Getting away for a family day out on weekends during school terms is nigh to impossible due to commitments.

Yesterday was lovely. Absolutely lovely. It was so good to;

a) have Thoughtful Princess home safe & sound from music tour
b) feel better
c) get out of the house
d) spend the day together, just us, as a family and enjoy the great outdoors.

Being divorced and having share care arrangements does mean that I have times without my four. For the record, I hate this. I have had to learn to live with this in the 8 years that we have been divorced. In the beginning, it was like a black hole in my heart, every time they went to be with their Dad. Though I trust him implicitly and know they need to spend time with him, I hated every second we were apart. It felt wrong. It still does.

Loss of anything takes time to integrate into ones life. I have learnt to live with this loss, at a great price and thousands of shed tears. Acceptance, far from blissful, more like bearable, think I am in that place. Acceptance was a better option than insanity! So when we are together, we try to make the absolute most of every minute. Doing this and keeping life normal can be challenging and wonderfully rewarding. Maybe why the art of cherishing has become so important. Don't want to waste or miss a thing. Besides dedicated family holidays, family times out together seem to be becoming less frequent with growing responsibilities and factoring in everyone's interests and activities. Guess that's called, growing up! Letting go......

Studying for me has become one way to fill the time when my children are with their Dad. I thought turning pain into gain of some description would be a positive way of dealing with a negative. So the times my children are with their Dad I throw myself into study and work. This helps keep my brain engaged and dissipates the emotional vacuum.

We lived for awhile in a two bedroom unit, cosy, but it was actually a wonderful 12 months, where I felt my four were just where I wanted them, close by and around me. Like the cosy nest image that I have shared before, having them so near, physically was comforting. As much as having a large home is great, we really are over indulged here in Australia in comparison to many other countries. Having lived in both, Asia and Europe where home sizes are often much, much smaller than, appreciate the incredible space afforded us here. We have so much space. We are so lucky, so blessed.

So we have family equilibrium again. We are altogether. Family dynamics is a wonderful phenomena, take one away and the relationships between the others seem to change slightly. I have noticed this a lot when mine go on camps. The ones left at home relate to each other, even play differently. Its good to have ebb and flow and we then can all respect, love and appreciate each other afresh again when reunited. What's the saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder...... cherishing my children and grateful for special family times together.