Crazy busy

I have borrowed this title for a post out of an article from the New York Times, entitled the Busy Trap (see below link). I read it and thought the author must have been spying on my life to write it. I do have some ownership over the title in that it is commonly my response to the question, "so how are you?" Crazy busy is/was a fairly standard reply. Busy by my own drivenness, although as a parent of four, there is also a degree of natural busyness by a simple uneven ratio 1:4. I often think the perfect balanced family is 2:2, two parents, two kids, even stevens, everything seems equally shared between parents. But anything beyond 2 and add solo parenting to the equation and life without even trying gets busy.


So in my feeble attempt to justify the busyness of our lives as simply mathematical we add to that each of my four have individual interests that require dropping off and picking up. They say our generation of parenting promotes extra curricular activities, yet I have never ever pushed my children to do so. Sunshine actually begged me for 2 years to do dancing before I enrolled her. Ok, I do confess to strongly encouraging her to stick to playing the flute, but in the end let her drop it and focus on her dancing as expressly requested by her. Thoughtful Princess tried Irish dancing in grade 1, hated it, so we quit pronto. Both girls now dance purely and only because they love it.


The boys have always been involved in club sport, soccer mainly and EQ one season of rugby until he realised footy was not sport of choice for him due to his compact size. A concussion, near broken nose for DW, and ratios again, also made him realise footy was not for him either, his light 40 kg compared to other 14year olds who were 80+kg (I wanted to check their birth certificates!), it just wasn't safe! 


So the extra after school/weekend activities have all been self directed by my children's interests never imposed by me. Throw a working son into the mix and the drop and pick ups can number up to 10+ on any given Saturday. I promise that I don't deliberately try to be busy! But do find most week nights and Saturdays are spent in the car or waiting in car parks of dance studios, MacDonalds, shopping centres or friend's houses, squeezing housework and study somewhere in between. 


Many mothers work full or part time now, and the super woman juggling act of parenting, working and extra stuff does present real challenges, certainly my grandmothers generation didn't have to deal with. They battled day to day with just making ends meet, being able to simply get chores done, feed and clothe the family on a farmer's seasonal directed wages. Bad weather meant poor crops, meant bad wages, but they didn't complain about being too busy!  


We are definitely a more affluent age. My grandmother's family never ever would have dreamt of an overseas holiday. Going to the Sunshine Coast for the day was a luxury, forget a week on the coast! Nowadays overseas holidays seem par de cour for many families (not ours). And yet we still complain we are financially & time poor AND too busy! Hasn't technology helped save us time? Microwaves, dryers, computers, email, iPhones? My grandmother had none of these, yet she never complained about being too busy and definitely wasn't as stressed as our generation! 


So how do we get off the busy treadmill and find a pace to life that is healthy and good rather than ulcer making? I guess cutting out unnecessary stuff is a good start. Does that mean I can't go to Zumba? I do think parents need their own interests too beyond family, work and study. Is that being greedy or selfish? No it's being kind to oneself and finding spaces and places that restore our souls that will us keep going in the draining demands of day to day flurry. Maybe just maybe I need to rethink involvement with one too many committees! 


I observe those around me who lead busy lives and particularly notice those who are equally or if not busier and amazingly carry it off without appearing to be hurried, stressed or overly anxious.  For this I am thinking of families I know with multiple children (sorry to those reading this who don't have children or have <4) - to get some inspiration I need a comparative analysis! In our church we have an amazing family of 10 - 7 natural children and 3 foster children. Now they are busy!! They do appear busy and frazzled at times but also incredibly happy, great role models for what family life is all about. 


A few other friends have 5 children, work and are all involved in medicine, missions, chaplaincy, music, sporting pursuits or combinations of all and seem to do this entirely with poise, precision and an air of unhurriedness, a real art. Then I walked yesterday with another friend who has 6 children, 1 disabled daughter, a brand new granddaughter, does veterinary research and finds time in her busy life to connect with people struggling with their sexuality. Made me rethink my definition of busy. My life is calm in comparison!


So with a mouth full of ulcers, (a sign of being run down & too busy), my beautiful four safe site seeing in Canberra today and a Sunday to just read, relax & write, I think I have succeeded in getting out/off of the busy trap even if it's for just one day!


I don't agree with everything Tim says but in general it's a good reminder to find meaning in life while avoiding being too crazy busy.......


Shalom,


http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/06/30/the-busy-trap/?src=me&ref=general