No goes both ways

One of my favourite stories and lessons learnt about prayer is from the life of Amy Carmichael. What an amazing, courageous woman. As a teenager I devoured all her books, of which there is a library, she loved to write poetry and stories of the children she rescued from temple prostitution in India. A woman who has inspired me greatly, Sunshine is named after her. Amy was Irish. 




As a young child of about 7years of age she desperately wanted blue eyes over her brown ones. Being a child of a religious family she had been taught to pray, "ask and it shall be given unto you". So with great faith she prayed one night going to bed that somehow God would change her eyes from brown to blue.


She arose early in the morning, jumped up and raced to the mirror, full of hope to see blue eyes staring back at her. To her disappointment, they were still brown. Amy said she learnt a very important lesson that morning about God and prayer. Sometimes God says, No!


I had to say, the "N" word to my son tonight. Usually I am fairly flexible with activities and requests but sometimes it is appropriate to say no. He was cool with it, and I actually thought in some ways, relieved. I had planned as a family to go somewhere and though his invitation to go out with friends was a valid invite, wanted him to spend time with us.


I was reminded again of how saying no is healthy. Creates boundaries. 


Also in discussing the activity to be done as a family, my other, older son said he didn't want to go. I was disappointed and tried not to show it. Tried some reverse psychology, the path of lest resistance sometimes works best. This made me realise that no goes both ways. As parents we are compelled to say no to obvious actions that will cause harm, or activities that are not in their best interest, and other times things are negotiable and we need to teach our children these skills. But can we accept when they say, no, when they decline to participate, especially as teenagers fast approaching adulthood?


If it is just because they don't feel like it then it's a different story, but I do believe as parents we need to gauge when some liberties can be given and a no from our child/teen needs to be considered as them learning to make independent choices. It may not be the decision we want, but does need to be respected without demonstrating obvious disappointment. An art I am still learning.


So back to Amy's brown eyes. After years in India where she started a home/orphanage/a village for children who were rescued from temple prostitution and destitution she often had to go 'under cover' at night on rescue trips, dressed as an Indian woman. She writes how grateful she was then that God didn't answer her prayer, because her brown eyes made her blend in as an Indian. Blue eyes would have given her away.


No is good and healthy in parenting, life, relationships, prayer and goes both ways. No is mostly in our best interests, like Amy's, and sometimes we only find out the reason why years later, hope we and our children can learn to respect it.