It has purely been about age range. The girls are 3 years apart in age, making bed time arrangements awkward when sharing. Sunshine goes to bed quite early still and Thoughtful Princess stays up late doing homework etc, making shared arrangements difficult. However the 18 month gap between the boys means they have similar bed time habits and also share a wonderful brotherly bond that made sharing a room workable for the majority of their lives. Until this year. EQ aged 16 yrs threatened to go and live with his Dad when he turns 18 if he didn't get his own room! A little like driving a dagger into my heart. So the wall making was scheduled.
Some may think I have bowed to pressure. But I do think he has a point. He is 16, he is wanting to focus on study, he and his brother not only shared a room, but have had to share a desk too. So it's time. The time has come to create the space they need to still want to be content at home. I moved out of home at age 16, so I am well aware of the contentions that arise and can cause friction. I don't want to regret him moving or making choices because we couldn't be flexible enough to factor his needs in. He has been patient, 12 months advocating for his own space! He has put up a good case!
When I told EQ that some guys were coming to build the wall this week, he quickly back pedalled and said, "it's ok Mum, I was just annoyed that my 10yr old sister got her own room and I didn't". His sense of fair and equitable was ruffled. Being the eldest he thought he deserved special privileges. Don't' we all, for whatever reason. Either being older, younger, taller, shorter, stronger, weaker can all be rationalised reasons why we think we ought to be the recipient of something over another. All being said, they each have their own room at their Dad's house, so I didn't think it was such an major issue the boys had to share at Mums!
Having lived in both Asia and Europe where space is a premium, where sometimes whole families share one room, one bed, I don't believe I have deprived my sons in any harmful way. Living in Asia really makes one review what a sense of 'personal space' is. There it is totally different to living in Australia, the land of wide horizons and sweeping plains, mega 240 metre square houses and garages as big as a Hong Kong bedsit. We relish in so much space here, sometimes too much to our detriment, that we demand our own. I rather hoped with my sons to teach them to be considerate of each another. Listening to them debrief at night was like listening to two old men discussing war time tales. They banter away and genuinely love each, but I can accept the time has come to carve their own space. Plus DW can't stand EQ snoring!
Can you believe the night before the wall was to be build I felt sad! Even questioned if I was doing the right thing. Almost felt like I was dividing my sons! I felt sad to say goodbye to a chapter of their boyhood. It feels like I am acknowledging they are becoming two separate individuals, two independent young men, growing into adults. The boys have been like twins, so close in age, close friends as well as brothers. I prayed for this from the womb. When pregnant with DW, prayed that he and EQ would be best mates and they are. Even at school everyone calls them the Dooley brothers, they get picked together for footy teams etc cause they read each other, know how each other thinks. Typical brother stuff. So a genuine sadness to say goodbye to sharing days, now to embrace transition days.
Two rooms. Two happy sons. Two happy daughters. One happy Mum. One happy family. Cherishing days of change.
Credits:
Kind man from our Church who built the wall
Kind helper from our Church who helped the man build the wall
My step-Dad for electrical work
PS the wall doesn't look like this lovely brick one, it's a gyprock sheeted white wall, but that doesn't make for a good photo!
No comments:
Post a Comment